Weddings are not just about you: How we’re paying for it

You know how I resigned from my job, and then our budget got all tight, and then within a week of going LET’S PLAN A WEDDING YAY!, we looked around and went, Oh yeah, But we have no money for that right now? Well, we’d pretty much resigned ourselves to it, and decided to wait until I got a new job. Which we were kind of ok with. I mean, I was chomping at the bit to get started on this wedding thing, but you know me, all focused on the bigger financial picture and all that.

Turns out, I wasn’t the only one chomping at the bit about this. In December I went to go visit my dad in Australia, and he let me know that he’s set aside some money for my wedding. Dude is sneaky, I think he’s been planning my wedding budget longer than I have, and that’s saying something.

In my very first blog post, I wrote “people getting married tend to have student loans, and/or a mortgage, and/or little savings, and/or are trying to get a house deposit together, or myriad other major money demands. So, even if your parents can afford to contribute something substantial, do you really want to be using that gift on a wedding?” When I said that, I meant it. So after expressing profound appreciation to my dad for his generous offer, I said I’d rather just put it all directly into a house deposit fund, and still pay for the wedding ourselves (which still means waiting longer).

He said, “No.”

I said, “No? You’re not going to allow me to save it?”

He said, “No. You have to use it for your wedding.”

Who knew? Turns out our wedding is important to other people, and turns out they get a say in it! This wedding is not just about me and M. We had sort of realised this in a subconscious way, which is why we’re not just saying our vows privately with two witnesses. But now we realise it in a very tangible way.

Obviously I won’t disclose the amount my dad offered me, but it’s enough to have, if I want it, a lot of the wedding flotsam I’ve already ranted against. Like cake, or $1000 dresses. Often the deal with weddings is that they who pay for it, get to have a heavy hand in planning it. And then the next thing you know, your parents have bought you a reception of several hundred guests of whom you know twelve (that’s actually pretty common here in Asia). But my dad’s gone and offered me a vitually strings free deal. He’s happy for me to have a relatively inexpensive wedding, and save the rest. I’m very lucky, it’s the best possible scenario (beyond me having a job, paying for it ourselves, and saving all of Dad’s gift).

Here are the very few conditions my dad attached:
1. We have to give people enough food to eat.
2. Enough to booze for everyone, including bubbles.
3. Stop waiting, and get started on this wedding already!

I think my dad’s a little worried about to what extremes I might take my frugalism. No worries Dad, we’re good. It’s not like I wouldn’t give people travelling from overseas plenty of food and drinks.

And now it’s finally time to start making venue enquiries. Yay!

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3 responses to “Weddings are not just about you: How we’re paying for it

  1. Now this is the kind of news I like coming home to. Wonderful for you guys and look forward to hear all about the preparations.

  2. Great news- let the planning begin!!!

  3. Yay! I’m so excited you get to start planning!!! And it was so much fun talking with you yesterday morning/night/whatever time that was. 😉 Now if that book would only arrive – it’s probably floating in the middle of the ocean somewhere.

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